START FREE
Personality Styles Assessment
Discover your Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting preferences. See all four scores and understand the approaches you naturally use or value.
Free · Brief personal style reportBegin Phase 1 →Relationship education for couples
Understand how each of you responds.
Your GAP shows what needs attention.
Whether you’ve just got together, are preparing for marriage, or have been together for years, you may keep circling the same moments, listening, affection, money, intimacy, shared responsibilities or reconnecting after conflict, without being able to name the real difference. The free Personality Styles Assessment shows the approaches you naturally use. The US$9 GAP Assessment compares what you experience with what you would prefer, so you can identify one specific difference, stop arguing around it and begin a clearer conversation about what could change.
Start my free Personality Styles Assessment14 ranking questions · Personal results · No payment details
The same intention.A different experience.
Begin with curiosity.01 / RECOGNIZE THE PATTERN
It starts with something small.
Then you’re back in the same argument.
Who makes the plans. Who asks the questions. Who needs space. Who wants to talk now, and who needs a little time.
You can both mean well and still leave each other feeling misunderstood. Understanding the behavior, and what each person wants from it, gives you somewhere more useful to start.
“I’m only trying to help.”“I wanted you to hear me first.”
“I thought you wanted space.”“I wanted to know you were there.”
“We already made a plan.”“I wanted a say in it.”
Illustrative everyday conversations, not client testimonials.
A MESSAGE FROM TANYA
Good intentions need
a little translation.
Video coming soona little translation.
A different place to begin
Less guessing.
More understanding.
iCOM4 began with a simple question: knowing how often something happens is useful, but do we know how much the person receiving it actually wants?
That question matters in relationships too. More advice, more planning, or more independence is not automatically better. The useful question is what helps each of you, in this situation.
See your next steps ↓Your journey, in five phases
Start free.
Go deeper when you are ready.
Each phase builds naturally on the one before it. Phase 1 shows you how you tend to approach relationships. Phase 2 helps you see the gap between what happens and what you want. From Phase 3 onward, choose how deeply you want to continue.
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SEE THE GAP
GAP Assessment
Compare what you experience with what you would prefer across 16 relationship behaviours. Start on your own with a current or past relationship in mind.
US$9 · Secure PayPal checkoutExplore Phase 2 →PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
Combined results & Couples Workbook
Complete the assessments separately, then bring both perspectives into guided conversations and exercises when you both agree to share.
US$39 · One shared Couples WorkbookExplore Phase 3 →FOLLOW THE FULL PROCESS
Nine-step at-home program
Continue with video teaching, guided exercises, personalised use of your results, practical experiments and progress reviews.
Coming soon · Separate programExplore Phase 4 →GO DEEPER TOGETHER
iCOM4 Retreat
Set aside dedicated time away from daily demands for deeper learning, reflection and practical relationship work.
Future premium experienceExplore Phase 5 →Built on researched foundations
Original iCOM4 tools.
Grounded in established work.
iCOM4 was not plucked out of thin air. It brings together an earlier GAP approach developed through leadership and organisational-development research, established personality and temperament traditions, and research into the pressures that commonly affect relationships.
Current experience and preferred experience
The GAP method grew from earlier leadership work that compared what people experience with what they would prefer. The relationship assessment applies that practical difference to specific everyday behaviours.
Four accessible ways of approaching a situation
Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting draw from established preference and temperament traditions, including the work of David Keirsey, Don Lowry's True Colors, MBTI and HBDI.
Research-informed relationship topics
The 16 GAP topics reflect research on communication, responsiveness, trust, intimacy, money, shared responsibilities, life direction and recovery after conflict. iCOM4 combines these foundations in its own assessment and learning process.
Step 3 · Put it into practice
Bring both perspectives
into the Couples Workbook.
Use your combined GAP and personality results to choose a conversation and agree on a practical next step together.
Couples Edition
Explore both perspectives through private reflection and guided conversations. Use your GAP and personality results to make clearer requests and agree on small changes to practice together.
- Both perspectives, kept distinct and respected.
- 16 stories and shared practice lessons.
- GAP worksheets in every lesson.
- A shared action plan and 30 day review.
US$39 for one shared couples workbook.
The shared Couples Workbook is US$39 through PayPal. A private workbook download link is emailed after a verified payment. Choose the optional results save, confirm it by email, and use the same email for your assessments and purchase to prepare a personalized copy. Couples results are included only after both people agree to share. Educational guidance, not therapy.
Step 4 · The next level of support
A complete nine-step program.
At home, at your own pace.
The Couples Workbook helps you begin. The separate iCOM4 at-home program will take you through the complete nine-step process with video teaching, guided exercises, personalised use of your GAP and Personality Style results, practical experiments, and progress reviews.
This is a deeper digital learning experience than the workbook alone. It is being built as a private, flexible alternative for people who want structured relationship education without attending regular appointments.
Your iCOM4 pathway:Assessments→Workbook→Nine-step at-home program→Retreat
Phase 5 · A deeper shared experience
Make space for the relationship.
Away from everyday demands.
iCOM4 retreats will be the final phase in the pathway: dedicated time to reflect, learn and practise together after completing the assessments, workbook and nine-step at-home program.
Retreat locations, dates, inclusions and pricing will be announced separately. The retreat is an optional premium experience, not something you need in order to benefit from the earlier phases.
Register your retreat interest →0102030405
Personality → GAP → Workbook → Nine-step program → Retreat
What iCOM4 means
Interpersonal Communication
Opportunity Matrix.
The “4” represents four practical approaches: Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting. Together, the name describes a way to map communication preferences and identify opportunities for clearer understanding.
Tanya Harris and Janice Whiting developed the original iCOM4 GAP approach through leadership and organisational-development work after questioning a common assumption in workplace surveys: asking how often a behaviour happens does not establish whether people want it to happen.
The relationship edition brings that researched foundation into everyday connection and combines it with established personality and temperament traditions and relationship research. The assessment questions and nine-step learning process are original iCOM4 applications that will continue to be reviewed and strengthened as further evidence is gathered.
Tanya Harris & Janice Whiting Co creators of iCOM4
Before you begin
A few things
you may be wondering.
What research is iCOM4 based on?
iCOM4 combines three foundations: the earlier GAP approach developed through leadership and organisational-development research; established personality and temperament traditions including Keirsey, True Colors, MBTI and HBDI; and relationship research used to select the 16 GAP topics. The relationship questions and nine-step learning process are original iCOM4 applications. Read the research and question map.
What comes after the workbook?
The separate nine-step at-home program is the next level before retreats. It will combine video teaching, guided exercises, your assessment results, practical experiments and progress reviews. The Couples Workbook is US$39. Program launch pricing will be announced when the complete experience is ready.
Do I need both assessments for the workbook?
Yes, the full workbook uses both your GAP ratings and your personality style scores. Complete both assessments first. Begin with the free Personality Styles Assessment, then complete the US$9 GAP Assessment. Each partner needs their own completed assessments for a shared couples edition.
Will my results appear inside my workbook?
Yes, after you choose to save your results and confirm the private link in your results email. Open your private workbook purchase link to prepare a PDF with your starting point, style scores and matching GAP ratings included. Reflections and new 30 day ratings remain yours to complete. A shared couples copy requires both people’s permission. If results or permission are missing, the personalized copy waits.
What if my partner does not want to share?
Each person chooses whether to share with their named partner. Payment by one person does not give access to the other person's results. A combined report and shared personalized workbook require both people to complete the assessments and agree to share. If either person declines, each can still use their own private GAP report for reflection. We do not fill in or infer a missing partner's scores.
Do we both have to take the assessments?
You can take the free Personality Styles Assessment and the US$9 GAP Assessment on your own. For combined results and a personalized Couples Workbook, each partner completes both assessments and chooses whether to share.
What do I get for free?
Your 14-question Personality Styles Assessment and personal style results are free. The 16-statement GAP Assessment and its personal results are the next step at US$9 through secure PayPal checkout.
Can I reflect after separation, divorce or bereavement?
Yes. Choose the past relationship pathway to consider what you remember experiencing and what you would have preferred. Your recollections cannot establish another person’s motives or explain every reason the relationship ended.
How is personality different from the gap result?
The GAP assessment compares your experience with what you would like in a relationship. The personality assessment explores your own style preferences. Your personal results can bring both completed assessments together, while keeping those different meanings clear.
Does a bigger gap mean we’re incompatible?
No. It flags a difference to explore. Context, capacity, timing, and boundaries matter. Neither a large nor small gap establishes relationship health or compatibility.
Is this therapy?
No. iCOM4 is an educational reflection tool and guided workbook. If you feel afraid, controlled, or unable to disagree safely, individual professional support is more appropriate than a joint workbook conversation.
Which paid products are available?
The Couples Workbook is US$39 through PayPal. The US$9 GAP Assessment is available separately through secure PayPal checkout. The nine-step program and retreats will be priced separately when ready.
What happens to my answers?
Completed results stay in this browser where storage is available. Open My results to revisit them, email your report, or save a backup. If you request an email, we process the report to send it and retain your contact details and consent choice. Scores are not saved in the CRM. If you separately choose the workbook save, confirm your emailed link to keep your snapshot privately available for up to 90 days. Partner sharing requires a separate choice. Email providers retain sent messages. A different device or clearing browser data can remove your local copy. The partner link does not contain your answers.
Your first step is free
You don’t have to solve everything.
Start by understanding yourself.
Discover the personality approaches you naturally prefer. Then, if you want to explore what you experience and what you would like in a relationship, continue to the US$9 GAP Assessment.
Start my free Personality Styles Assessment ↗Free personal style results · No payment details · Start on your own
The complete coaching workbook uses both GAP and Personality Styles results. Email your completed results so you have a copy to keep. Choose the optional private results save and confirm your email link to prepare results for a personalized workbook. Shared copies will include a partner’s results only with that person’s permission.