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Personality Styles Assessment
Discover your Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting preferences. See all four scores and understand the approaches you naturally use or value.
Free · Personal results includedStart free →Stop guessing what the same argument is really about
Your personality explains how you respond.
Your GAP shows what needs attention.
You may keep circling the same moments—listening, affection, money, intimacy, shared responsibilities or reconnecting after conflict—without being able to name the real difference. The free Personality Styles Assessment shows the approaches you naturally use. The US$9 GAP Assessment compares what you experience with what you would prefer, so you can identify one specific difference, stop arguing around it and begin a clearer conversation about what could change.
Start my free Personality Styles Assessment14 ranking questions · Personal results · No payment details
The same intention.A different experience.
Begin with curiosity.01 / RECOGNIZE THE PATTERN
It starts with something small.
Then you’re back in the same argument.
Who makes the plans. Who asks the questions. Who needs space. Who wants to talk now, and who needs a little time.
You can both mean well and still leave each other feeling misunderstood. Understanding the behavior, and what each person wants from it, gives you somewhere more useful to start.
“I’m only trying to help.”“I wanted you to hear me first.”
“I thought you wanted space.”“I wanted to know you were there.”
“We already made a plan.”“I wanted a say in it.”
Illustrative everyday conversations, not client testimonials.
A MESSAGE FROM TANYA
Good intentions need
a little translation.
Video coming soona little translation.
A different place to begin
Less guessing.
More understanding.
iCOM4 began with a simple question: knowing how often something happens is useful, but do we know how much the person receiving it actually wants?
That question matters in relationships too. More advice, more planning, or more independence is not automatically better. The useful question is what helps each of you, in this situation.
See your next steps ↓Your complete iCOM4 pathway
Five clear steps.
Begin where you are ready.
Each step builds on the one before it. Start with the free Personality Styles Assessment, add your GAP results, choose a workbook, continue into the complete nine-step program, and consider a retreat when you want a deeper shared experience.
GO DEEPER
GAP Assessment
Compare what you experience with what you would prefer across 16 relationship behaviours. If you are looking for a partner, record Preferred only.
US$9 · Payment setup being completedSee what is included →PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
Choose your workbook
Use the Individual Edition on your own or the Couples Edition together. Both turn your assessment results into guided reflection and practical exercises.
US$39 · Individual or CouplesCompare the workbooks →FOLLOW THE FULL PROCESS
Nine-step at-home program
Continue with video teaching, guided exercises, personalised use of your results, practical experiments and progress reviews.
Coming soon · Separate programExplore the program →GO DEEPER TOGETHER
iCOM4 Retreat
Set aside dedicated time away from daily demands for deeper learning, reflection and practical relationship work.
Future premium experienceLearn about retreats →Built on researched foundations
Original iCOM4 tools.
Grounded in established work.
iCOM4 was not plucked out of thin air. It brings together an earlier GAP approach developed through leadership and organisational-development research, established personality and temperament traditions, and research into the pressures that commonly affect relationships.
Current experience and preferred experience
The GAP method grew from earlier leadership work that compared what people experience with what they would prefer. The relationship assessment applies that practical difference to specific everyday behaviours.
Four accessible ways of approaching a situation
Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting draw from established preference and temperament traditions, including the work of David Keirsey, Don Lowry's True Colors, MBTI and HBDI.
Research-informed relationship topics
The 16 GAP topics reflect research on communication, responsiveness, trust, intimacy, money, shared responsibilities, life direction and recovery after conflict. iCOM4 combines these foundations in its own assessment and learning process.
Step 3 · Put it into practice
Choose the workbook
for your next step.
Bring your GAP and personality results into practical reflection and exercises. Choose one edition, US$39 each.
Individual Edition
Understand your patterns, clarify what you want, and choose actions within your own control. Complete every exercise on your own, whether you are in a relationship, looking for one or learning after an ending.
- Your own GAP and personality reflections.
- 16 stories and individual practice lessons.
- Requests, boundaries and a personal action plan.
- A seven day experiment and 30 day review.
US$39 for the individual workbook.
Explore the Individual Edition →
No partner participation or purchase is required.
Couples Edition
Explore both perspectives through private reflection and guided conversations. Use your GAP and personality results to make clearer requests and agree on small changes to practice together.
- Both perspectives, kept distinct and respected.
- 16 stories and shared practice lessons.
- GAP worksheets in every lesson.
- A shared action plan and 30 day review.
US$39 for one shared couples workbook.
US$39 per edition. PayPal checkout is available for both workbooks. A private workbook download link is emailed after a verified payment. Choose the optional results save, confirm it by email, and use the same email for your assessments and purchase to prepare a personalized copy. Couples results are included only after both people agree to share. Educational guidance, not therapy.
Step 4 · The next level of support
A complete nine-step program.
At home, at your own pace.
The workbooks help you begin. The separate iCOM4 at-home program will take you through the complete nine-step process with video teaching, guided exercises, personalised use of your GAP and Personality Style results, practical experiments, and progress reviews.
This is a deeper digital learning experience than the workbook alone. It is being built as a private, flexible alternative for people who want structured relationship education without attending regular appointments.
Your iCOM4 pathway:Assessments→Workbook→Nine-step at-home program→Retreat
Step 5 · A deeper shared experience
Make space for the relationship.
Away from everyday demands.
iCOM4 retreats will be the final step in the pathway: dedicated time to reflect, learn and practise together after completing the assessments, workbook and nine-step at-home program.
Retreat locations, dates, inclusions and pricing will be announced separately. The retreat is an optional premium experience, not something you need in order to benefit from the earlier steps.
Register your retreat interest →0102030405
Personality → GAP → Workbook → Nine-step program → Retreat
What iCOM4 means
Interpersonal Communication
Opportunity Matrix.
The “4” represents four practical approaches: Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting. Together, the name describes a way to map communication preferences and identify opportunities for clearer understanding.
Tanya Harris and Janice Whiting developed the original iCOM4 GAP approach through leadership and organisational-development work after questioning a common assumption in workplace surveys: asking how often a behaviour happens does not establish whether people want it to happen.
The relationship edition brings that researched foundation into everyday connection and combines it with established personality and temperament traditions and relationship research. The assessment questions and nine-step learning process are original iCOM4 applications that will continue to be reviewed and strengthened as further evidence is gathered.
Tanya Harris & Janice Whiting Co creators of iCOM4
Before you begin
A few things
you may be wondering.
What research is iCOM4 based on?
iCOM4 combines three foundations: the earlier GAP approach developed through leadership and organisational-development research; established personality and temperament traditions including Keirsey, True Colors, MBTI and HBDI; and relationship research used to select the 16 GAP topics. The relationship questions and nine-step learning process are original iCOM4 applications. Read the research and question map.
What comes after the workbook?
The separate nine-step at-home program is the next level before retreats. It will combine video teaching, guided exercises, your assessment results, practical experiments and progress reviews. The workbooks remain US$39 each. Program launch pricing will be announced when the complete experience is ready.
Do I need both assessments for the workbook?
Yes, the full workbook uses both your GAP ratings and your personality style scores. Complete both assessments first. Begin with the free Personality Styles Assessment, then complete the US$9 GAP Assessment. Each partner needs their own completed assessments for a shared couples edition.
Will my results appear inside my workbook?
Yes, after you choose to save your results and confirm the private link in your results email. Open your private workbook purchase link to prepare a PDF with your starting point, style scores and matching GAP ratings included. Reflections and new 30 day ratings remain yours to complete. A shared couples copy requires both people’s permission. If results or permission are missing, the personalized copy waits.
What if my partner does not want to share?
Each person chooses whether to share with their named partner. Payment by one person does not give access to the other person's results. A combined report and shared personalized workbook require both people to complete the assessments and agree to share. If either person declines, you can continue with the Individual Edition using only your own results. We do not fill in or infer a missing partner's scores.
Do we both have to take the assessments?
For the Individual Workbook, only you need to complete the free Personality Styles Assessment and your US$9 GAP Assessment. For the Couples Workbook, each person completes their own assessments and separately decides whether to share their results.
What do I get for free?
Your 14-question Personality Styles Assessment and personal style results are free. The 16-statement GAP Assessment and its personal results are the next step at US$9 once secure payment and access are activated.
What if I’m looking for a partner?
Choose the future partner pathway. You will rate how often you would like each behavior. Your overview describes your preferences, without a gap or compatibility score.
Explore what I want in a partner, GAP Assessment US$9 →Can I reflect after separation, divorce or bereavement?
Yes. Choose the past relationship pathway to consider what you remember experiencing and what you would have preferred. Your recollections cannot establish another person’s motives or explain every reason the relationship ended.
How is personality different from the gap result?
The GAP assessment compares your experience with what you would like in a relationship. The personality assessment explores your own style preferences. Your personal results can bring both completed assessments together, while keeping those different meanings clear.
Does a bigger gap mean we’re incompatible?
No. It flags a difference to explore. Context, capacity, timing, and boundaries matter. Neither a large nor small gap establishes relationship health or compatibility.
Is this therapy?
No. iCOM4 is an educational reflection tool and guided workbook. If you feel afraid, controlled, or unable to disagree safely, individual professional support is more appropriate than a joint workbook conversation.
Which paid products are available?
The Individual and Couples Workbooks are US$39 each and their PayPal checkout pages are available. The US$9 GAP payment and automatic post-purchase access are being completed before the GAP purchase is opened. The nine-step program and retreats will be priced separately when ready.
What happens to my answers?
Completed results stay in this browser where storage is available. Open My results to revisit them, email your report, or save a backup. If you request an email, we process the report to send it and retain your contact details and consent choice. Scores are not saved in the CRM. If you separately choose the workbook save, confirm your emailed link to keep your snapshot privately available for up to 90 days. Partner sharing requires a separate choice. Email providers retain sent messages. A different device or clearing browser data can remove your local copy. The partner link does not contain your answers.
Your first step is free
You don’t have to solve everything.
Start by understanding yourself.
Discover the personality approaches you naturally prefer. Then, if you want to explore what you experience and what you would like in a relationship, continue to the US$9 GAP Assessment.
Start my free Personality Styles Assessment ↗Free personal style results · No payment details · Start on your own
The complete coaching workbook uses both GAP and Personality Styles results. Email your completed results so you have a copy to keep. Choose the optional private results save and confirm your email link to prepare results for a personalized workbook. Shared copies will include a partner’s results only with that person’s permission.