For couples who care, but keep missing each other
You offer advice. They wanted you to listen. You give them space. They feel you pulling away. Start with a free assessment to explore the gap between what you want from your partner and what you experience, and find a starting point for a more useful conversation.
16 statements · Free results PDF · No email or payment needed
A message from Tanya ↓Who makes the plans. Who asks the questions. Who needs space. Who wants to talk now, and who needs a little time.
You can both mean well and still leave each other feeling misunderstood. Understanding the behavior, and what each person wants from it, gives you somewhere more useful to start.
“I’m only trying to help.”“I wanted you to hear me first.”
“I thought you wanted space.”“I wanted to know you were there.”
“We already made a plan.”“I wanted a say in it.”
A different place to begin
iCOM4 began with a simple question: knowing how often something happens is useful, but do we know how much the person receiving it actually wants?
That question matters in relationships too. More advice, more planning, or more independence is not automatically better. The useful question is what helps each of you, in this situation.
See your next steps ↓One clear path, at your own pace
Start free on your own. Involve your partner only when you both choose.
Start with the GAP assessment and get a useful short result. Continue to the free personality assessment to explore Thinking, Feeling, Planning and Acting. Your personal report brings your completed results together.
GAP + personality + personal report · Free
Invite your partner to complete both assessments. The partner package includes their results and your combined couple report, with both people’s permission. You pay the US$19 package fee for your shared journey. Your own assessments remain free, and your partner does not pay again.
Partner package + combined report · US$19
Choose the Individual Edition to work on your own, or the Couples Edition for guided conversations together. Each brings your GAP and personality results into stories and practical exercises.
Individual or Couples Workbook · US$39 eachYour experience.
Your preferences.
“Could we find a time to talk when we can both give it our attention?”
A 50% scale gap in this example describes a two point rating difference. It does not measure relationship health.
Your first result is yours to keep
Your free one page PDF brings together your ratings across the four areas, explains the scale gaps, and gives you a conversation to consider.
Your perspective is a starting point, not a verdict on your partner.
Included in your free personal pathway
Why might clear plans reassure you while spontaneity matters more to your partner? Explore your own preferences, then make space for theirs. Personality is another lens, not an excuse or a complete explanation.
“Help me understand.
Give me room to think.”
“Listen to me.
Let’s feel connected.”
“Let’s be clear.
What have we agreed?”
“Let’s try something.
Show me through action.”
Your personality report explains your style order and strongest preference. When your GAP results are available in this browser, it brings them together so you can explore a possible connection.
The personality assessment is included free. The GAP assessment and personality assessment answer different questions. This online edition is still in development.
Step 3 · Put it into practice
Bring your GAP and personality results into practical reflection and exercises. Choose one edition, US$39 each.
Understand your patterns, clarify what you want, and choose actions within your own control. Complete every exercise on your own, whether you are in a relationship, looking for one or learning after an ending.
US$39 for the individual workbook.
Explore the Individual Edition →
No partner participation or purchase is required.
Explore both perspectives through private reflection and guided conversations. Use your GAP and personality results to make clearer requests and agree on small changes to practice together.
US$39 for one shared couples workbook.
US$39 per edition. PayPal checkout is available for both workbooks. Automatic PDF delivery is still being connected. Educational guidance, not therapy.
Two perspectives. Neither is the whole picture.
Your partner package includes both their GAP and personality assessments. They rate their experience of you and answer about their own style, so the combined report can explore both perspectives.
The US$19 partner package includes both assessments and your combined couple report, with no extra report fee. Both people must agree before results are shared. The purchaser pays US$19, with no second charge for their partner. PayPal checkout is linked; private invitations, automatic email delivery and secure result linking are still being set up.
Your GAP assessment, personality assessment and personal report are free. The optional partner package is US$19, including both assessments and a combined report. Choose the Individual Workbook or Couples Workbook, US$39 each. Both optional purchases total US$58. Prices are provisional.
For the relationship you share. For both of your perspectives.
Why we created iCOM4
Tanya Harris and Janice Whiting originally developed iCOM4 after questioning a common assumption in workplace surveys: asking how often a behavior happens does not establish whether people want it to happen.
This relationship version brings that question into everyday connection. It is a new application for exploration and testing. The original workplace research does not establish the validity of the relationship or new personality assessments.
Tanya Harris & Janice Whiting Co creators of iCOM4
Before you begin
No. You can complete the free GAP and personality assessments on your own and receive your personal report. The optional US$19 partner package includes both assessments for your partner and a combined couple report. The purchaser pays the US$19 package fee. Your partner does not pay again, and each person chooses whether to share their results.
Your 16 statement GAP assessment and short PDF are free. Continue to the personality assessment, also free, for a personal report combining your completed results. The combined couple report is included in the optional US$19 partner package.
Choose the future partner pathway. You will rate how often you would like each behavior. Your overview describes your preferences, without a gap or compatibility score.
Yes. Choose the past relationship pathway to consider what you remember experiencing and what you would have preferred. Your recollections cannot establish another person’s motives or explain every reason the relationship ended.
The GAP assessment compares your experience with what you would like in a relationship. The personality assessment explores your own style preferences. Your free personal report can bring both completed assessments together, while keeping those different meanings clear.
No. It flags a difference to explore. Context, capacity, timing, and boundaries matter. Neither a large nor small gap establishes relationship health or compatibility.
No. iCOM4 is an educational reflection tool and guided workbook. If you feel afraid, controlled, or unable to disagree safely, individual professional support is more appropriate than a joint workbook conversation.
The personal pathway is free. Optional purchases are US$19 for the partner package, paid by the purchaser with no second charge for their partner, and US$39 for either workbook edition. PayPal payment links are connected. Automatic email delivery and secure partner linking are still being set up; please contact hello@icom4.com before purchasing during setup.
Completed results stay in this browser where storage is available. Open My results to revisit them, email your report, or save a backup. If you request an email, we process the report to send it and retain your contact details and consent choice. Scores are not saved in the CRM. Email providers retain sent messages. A different device or clearing browser data can remove your local copy. The partner link does not contain your answers.
Your first step is free
Take a moment to notice what you experience and what you would like. Find a clearer place to begin your next conversation.
Free overview and PDF · No payment details · Start on your own
Your workbook contains guided lessons and exercises. Your personal scores are supplied in a separate free results report. Keep the report beside your workbook, or email yourself a copy from My results. Scores are not automatically printed inside the workbook PDF.